I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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