Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
