I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
