8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
