Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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