I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
