yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just had sex bonerless
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
