Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
