Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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