Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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