This girl is more easily done than said...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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