Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
