either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
