Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
