I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
