and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
