Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize