I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
