i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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