It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
