Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
