I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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