Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
