I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
