she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
