with your own penis?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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