i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
