; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
