i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
