I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
