Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
