We named our party play list daddy issues
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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