You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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