It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
