so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
