wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
