Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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