was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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