There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
