Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
