She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
