I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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