i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
