is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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