I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
