I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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