Ambien. No doubt about it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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