Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
