What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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