in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
