listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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