We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
