Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
