one might say we're banned from that church
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
