Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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