i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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