im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
