Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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