Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize