it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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