Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
