Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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