Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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