ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
