I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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