So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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