If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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