I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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