I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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