Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everyone says I win the strip club
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
