I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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