Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
