So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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Gay?
German.
Pity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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