It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
