Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
